Parents and Adult Children Growing Apart: A Quiet Epidemic

A growing number of parents and their adult children in Belgium are drifting apart — not because of dramatic conflicts or explosive arguments, but through a gradual, painful process of estrangement that remains shrouded in silence. According to a recent report by De Morgen, this quiet phenomenon is reshaping family dynamics across the country.

The Taboo of Estrangement

Despite its prevalence, estrangement between parents and adult children remains one of society’s last great taboos. Clinical psychologist Lieve Cottyn, writing on the Interactie-Academie blog, captures the shame that surrounds it: “I don’t tell anyone, because by now I know what people think: what kind of bad mother must you be for a child to turn their back on you?”

The cultural ideal of the unbreakable parent-child bond creates a powerful stigma. Both parents and children who experience estrangement report feeling judged, misunderstood, and isolated — often retreating into silence rather than facing societal condemnation.

More Common Than You Think

International research paints a striking picture of just how widespread family estrangement has become. Studies indicate that 7 to 12 percent of parents report being estranged from at least one adult child. In the Netherlands, a 2015 survey found that 10 percent of respondents had no contact with their parents, while 47 percent had no contact with one or more family members.

Research from the UK paints a similar picture: a study by Standalone and the University of Cambridge found estrangement in one in five families. In the United States, a 2015 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 10 percent of mothers had no contact with one or more adult children, while a broader study in the Journal of Psychology and Behavioral Science found that nearly 40 percent of respondents had no contact with one or more immediate family members.

Why Families Drift Apart

Contrary to popular belief, estrangement is rarely triggered by a single dramatic event. Australian researcher Kylie Agllias, who has extensively studied family estrangement, identifies three primary reasons adult children cite for cutting ties: abuse, poor parenting, and betrayal. But the process is almost always gradual — a slow accumulation of misunderstandings, differing values, and unmet expectations.

As one research participant explained, according to analysis by Zinvoller Leven: “I didn’t break contact to hurt her, but to protect myself and to become my own person.”

Cottyn emphasizes that estrangement can occur even in families with the best intentions: “It’s often about small, simmering things: misunderstandings, a different perspective on events, different life choices, a new partner who doesn’t ‘click’ with the family, a different worldview.”

A Broader Societal Shift

The trend reflects deeper changes in Belgian and Western society. Modern individualism places greater emphasis on personal autonomy and self-fulfillment, which can conflict with traditional family obligations. Increased geographic mobility, changing family structures, and growing awareness of mental health have all contributed to a climate where setting boundaries — even with parents — has become more accepted.

Younger generations increasingly prioritize mental health and authentic relationships over obligatory family connections. At the same time, economic pressures in Belgium mean many adult children live with parents longer, potentially creating new tensions, while others move far away for work.

The Pain on Both Sides

Estrangement exacts a heavy emotional toll on everyone involved. Parents often experience it as a shameful, bewildering loss. “What did I do wrong? Why couldn’t you just love me?” one parent asked, capturing the anguish of those left behind.

For adult children, the decision to estrange is typically a last resort after years of difficult dynamics. Yet even when the choice is their own, they experience ongoing grief and loss. The choice to remain estranged must be continually reaffirmed, requiring sustained emotional energy.

Cottyn makes a plea for a more nuanced understanding: “I want to make a plea to de-dramatize and normalize estrangement between parent and child.” She argues that the parent-child relationship is a “lifelong, mobile constant” that continually develops and transforms — and that periods of distance are a natural part of that evolution.

What’s Next

As awareness grows and the taboo slowly lifts, more families may find the courage to speak openly about estrangement. Experts suggest that normalizing these conversations could reduce the shame that keeps people suffering in silence. For those experiencing estrangement — whether as parent or child — the path forward involves acknowledging the pain while recognizing that family relationships can take many forms, even ones marked by distance.

The question remains: can society learn to support families navigating this difficult terrain, rather than judging them?