Expert: Support the Loved Ones of Those at Risk of Suicide

A Belgian suicide-prevention expert is urging the healthcare system to pay greater attention to the loved ones of people who are contemplating suicide, arguing that family members and friends are too often left to carry doubt, uncertainty and guilt on their own. Alexandre Reynders, a sociologist and researcher at the Centre of Expertise for Family Sciences (Kenniscentrum voor Gezinswetenschappen) at Odisee University of Applied Sciences, made the appeal on VRT Radio 1’s programme ‘Touche’, as reported by VRT NWS.

“Of course a great deal of attention goes to a suicidal person, and that is justified. But the environment is also often left with doubt, uncertainty and feelings of guilt,” Reynders said, adding that reaching and involving loved ones forms an additional challenge for care providers.

A role that comes with almost unbearable weight

Reynders based his argument on dozens of interviews conducted over several years with fathers, mothers, children and other loved ones for his book and podcast, both titled ‘Mee-leven’. A central finding is that loved ones are simultaneously caregivers and people in need of care themselves.

“Loved ones often feel an enormous responsibility,” he said. “They want to ensure their parent, brother or sister is always in a safe environment. They feel almost responsible for keeping the person they love alive. That is an almost unbearable task.”

He noted that this burden distinguishes suicide from physical illness. Where a physical condition typically delegates care to a medical professional, the surroundings of a suicidal person are assigned a major role in the healing process. “The impact on all those domains of life is drastic, with effects in the short and long term,” Reynders said. He described a ripple effect touching social life, work and study, and self-image, with loved ones asking themselves who they are as a mother, brother or sister.

“Knowing what the impact is for them, it is strange that in healthcare we have not worked on this target group sooner,” he said.

The scale of the issue is substantial. In Flanders, the number of people who die by suicide has fallen to its lowest level in 25 years, with 887 deaths in 2023 — around 2.4 suicides per day — according to figures reported by VRT NWS. But the number of those left behind as bystanders and loved ones remains very large.

Speaking out, and listening

Reynders sees talking as the first step towards better support, even though the subject is difficult to raise. Loved ones may fear a breach of privacy or may have been asked by the person at risk to stay silent, and others do not always know how to react.

“There are quite a lot of things to discuss. You can ask how long someone has been having the idea, what has happened, what meaning that person gives to suicide,” he said. Talking calmly, he argued, can create connection and allow both the loved one and their wider environment to treat the subject as something that may be discussed.

His guidance is deliberately simple. “You do not have to express disappointment or anger. Don’t look for solutions either, because they are not obvious. Simply listening can already be healing.” He added that remaining hopeful is not naive: “The chance is high that things will get better again. It can be very powerful to search together for new ways of finding meaning and to maintain openness.”

Shared, not solitary

Reynders stressed that loved ones should not carry the task alone. “We should not see them only as someone who carries care, a pillar of strength, but also as someone who themselves needs support,” he said. He warned that loved ones often feel the attention must stay on the suicidal person, but called that an unsustainable message.

A dedicated initiative already exists to meet that need. ‘Mee-leven’ — a website built for and by loved ones of a suicidal family member — is based on conversations with more than 40 parents, children, brothers and sisters. It is an initiative of the Kenniscentrum Gezinswetenschappen (Odisee) developed within the framework of the Flemish Suicide Prevention Action Plan and forms part of the Zelfmoord1813 network, which is supported by the Flemish government.

The site stresses that suicidal thoughts disappear again in most cases, and it highlights professional support options for loved ones. “I now realise, as a loved one, that it can hardly be otherwise than that I need support,” Sophia, 18, whose father has thoughts of suicide, is quoted as saying on the website.

What’s next

Reynders’ appeal points to a broader shift in how suicide prevention is understood — not only as a matter of keeping one person alive, but as a task shared by a family and a support network. While prevention efforts in Flanders have driven overall suicide deaths down, experts say the emotional toll on the people closest to those at risk has yet to receive the same systematic attention. How quickly the healthcare system acts on that gap, and whether care providers are equipped to reach and involve loved ones, will determine whether the call translates into meaningful change.

In Belgium, anyone with questions about suicide can contact the Zelfmoordlijn on the free number 1813 or at zelfmoordlijn1813.be. Those who want to talk can reach Tele-Onthaal 24/7 on 106 or at tele-onthaal.be. Young people can contact Awel on 102 or at awel.be.